OcalaMom.com

Temper tantrums -- agh!!!

Mine is a bit younger (but I remember clearly working at a preschool while in college and dealing w/ a class of 20 4 year olds and having plenty of temper tantrums there....)

Books I have found to be very helpful include:
Barbara Coloroso (Kids are Worth it)
Adele Farber and elaine Miszleh (probably misspelling -- How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk)
Larry Cohen (Playful Parenting)
Harvey Karp (Happiest Toddler on the Block -- I loved the ideas but in practice this wasn't the right technique for my DD. The emphatic noises scared her.)

I like a 5-step approach I found online, too, for preventing tantrums....

1. State your request and offer an explanation
(I need you to clean up your toys so we can go home.)
2. State your request again.
(I need you to clean up your toys.)
3. Offer help
(I see you're having a hard time cleaning up your toys. Would you like some help?)
4. Help!
(You're having a hard time cleaning up your toys so I'm going to help you.)
5. Give a bear hug if the child needs help calming.

This approach has really, really, REALLY worked well for us.

And this past week, DD has been big into hitting. I either catch her hands and deflect her anger and make it silly (are you trying to give me a high 5? I'm going to tickle your armpit) or just remind her hands are for loving and not for hitting.

And then by the end of the day I'm worn out.

OK -- so I posted way too much here probably, but this has been big in our lives lately w/ the onset of a temper so it's very fresh on my mind. I just try to remember the temper is punishment enough for her and she's frustrated and doesn't know how to express that to me. (So I also try to help offer her the words -- You're angry because mommy won't let you throw dog food. You're frustrated because that puzzle piece isn't fitting easily. etc....)

And I often still want to just scream myself at the end of a very long toddlerific day!

So, what books have other people found to be lifesavers?
What techniques do you use?
And boy, does anybody else miss having that sweet little baby cooing at you in your arms?!

Well, sounds like you have great patience! I do, too...... to a point. I think being pregnant doesn't help. Too many hormones! Plus, I'm tired alot more (can't stay awake past 9:30!! It's getting earlier as my pregnancy progresses, used to be 10:30. But Campbell does have his fair share of meltdowns. If it's something that he WANTS and can't have (a cookie for breakfast then I tell him why, but if it continues then he's warned to go to time out for not listening. If he continues to whine and ask the constant question "why?" then he's sent to his room for time out. Time out has really worked for us. We set the timer for 3 minutes and at the end of the three minutes, he's calmed down and can tell mommy why he's in time out and then a kiss and he's on his way! I don't know why it works, but it does for us!

Ha ha. I am pretty patient but when there's non-stop nagging, clothes pulling, little arms ready to hit -- there are times I just want to scream.
But these books have really helped me learn to react well. And now (like for the hitting) I either make it silly and do a high 5 or just say hands are not for hitting. over. and over. Then she goes on the floor in meltdown as her newest trick. When I got on the floor next to her the last time she did this she just looked over, stopped and started laughing.